Monday, 30 April 2012

I'm feeling terrified

Coming to Circomedia was the scariest thing I have ever done.  Though that statement may sound a little extreme, it's entirely true.  I was terrified of putting myself in a new situation with people I wasn't sure if I'd like, spending thousands of pounds of my own and the Arts Council's money on a course that I couldn't be certain would help me, and most of all, scared of failing.

And now it's happening all over again, but in reverse.  My year at Circomedia has been so amazing that I'm now dreading leaving the safety of this wonderful place and taking my first steps into back into the big bad world of employment, contracts, applications and constant judgement.  Even Bristol, which I used to feel was saturated with Circus-Theatre makers, has become my safety blanket because at least there is a demanding audience here, a network of contemporary practitioners, and pretty much any class/workshop/training session you could wish to take part in.  All of this needs to be established in the East Midlands, and it's a big thought to realise that if I want to take advantage of such an environment in the future, I'm going to have to make it in the present.

It's only worth doing if it scares you.
It's only worth doing if it scares you.
It's only worth doing if it scares you.
Repeat until breathing starts to return to normal...

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