Before I came to Circomedia, I remember saying to my partner, "I'm really looking forward to training full time, because I'll come home at 6pm every night, and I won't have to beat myself up about whether I'm going to go to the gym or do a dance class. I'll just be able to relax." How wrong I was. I feel guilty pretty much every moment I'm not at Circomedia. Every evening when I leave (which is usually between 6.30-9pm), there are still students there training; every weekend is the same. It's really hard to find the right balance, and it's difficult not to compare yourself to the other students, yet we're all so very different.
My greatest fear is that in the future I'll look back on this time and feel that I didn't make the most of this amazing opportunity. But the reality is that there just aren't enough hours in the day to take part in the taught classes, write up notes on every session, be thoroughly prepared for each presentation and written assignment, eat well, sleep well, and do extra training in our 'free' time. And so we all have to prioritise.
My priorities are to make the very most out of the amazing teaching that Circomedia offers, to take on feedback, to explore my own creativity, to learn how to use my body in new ways, and to keep a record of everything that happens during this time, so that I can apply all of these learnings for future practice.
I've been struggling to write this blog all weekend, because I can't seem to find the conclusion to it. Normally when I reach the end of writing a blog, I've somehow managed to work through whatever issue it was that had been bothering me. Not so this time. There is no conclusion to be had. This just isn't a nine to five kind of a job.
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